• October 29, 2021


In the light of the Covid-19 Pandemic, many of us were pushed out of our comfort zones and out of our bubbles into the unknown. The core pillars of many lives were shaken, releasing the skeletons in their closets and exposing things that were hidden beneath the surface. Some of the things that were exposed were hidden hang-ups and bad habits. For many of us, it was the wake-up call that finally jolted us to look inwards and find avenues to deal with these areas of our lives.

But first, is it normal to have hang-ups? Yes, it is human to have hang-ups, and for one simple reason: imperfection itself is human. None of us is perfect. In my opinion, what counts is how we decide to deal with our imperfections. Some people become slaves to their hang-ups and do all they can to hide their flaws; others go on a relentless quest for perfection to try and make up for their weak points.

The need to be perfect:  The need to be perfect was a hang-up I struggled with for years. I was miss perfectionist. I wanted to have a perfect husband; a perfect house clean 24/7; a perfect family; a perfect job; a perfect look; etc. I was always running around controlling people and controlling things to make everything look perfect. It took a burn-out to bring me to a halt. I came to realize that I wasn’t perfect, and never would be. Now I accept that I am the most perfect “imperfect” human being on the planet. One who makes mistakes and has a less than perfect life, but still inspires others.

The need to please people: I have also come to realise that not everyone will like me, the way I dress, the way I talk, my personality and even the colour of my skin. I have come to accept that not everyone will like me, no matter how nice or how much I try to please them. It is important to remember this If you find yourself needingto please people all the time. You are unique and not everyone understands the entirety of your uniqueness like you do.

Being right: Additionally, I grew up in an environment where whoever argued the loudest or got the last word ingetting to be “right.” It was exhausting. All of those years spent arguing or trying to bend someone to my point of view were a waste of time. In the end, it did not matter. I have come to accept that we all live from our perceptions and from the way we all see the world. We all grew in different environments with different values which influence the way we see the world

Anger and resentment: There is nothing more detrimental to the inner peace of anyone than holding onto anger and resentment. It sucks the life out of you. This isn’t about letting the other person off the hook or saying that what he or she did to you is OK. It’s simply learning how to make peace with what happened and move on. Keep in mind, that he who angers you controls you.

The need to control: I had the need to control people and everything until I realized that I AM NOT GOD! I am not the general manager of the universe. What a peace when I learned to release the control over to God and trust that events would unfold the way they are meant to. By releasing control over situations, the greatest surprises have presented themselves.

The need to be needed Codependency: This is called relationship addictions. It manifests in one forming or maintaining relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. Putting others’ needs before our own needs and doing anything to keep a one-sided relationship afloat. It is evident when one has thedesire to fix/save people; when one has difficulty with confrontation and decision-making in a relationship; when one has difficulty identifying their feelings and when one has difficulty communicating in a relationship.Also, valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself, lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem are indications that you need to be free from this hang-up of codependency.


Invisible No More by Dorothy Attema


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